Joe the Plummer

Curious Quote of the Day

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Ask Joneia

Ask Joneia Your Most Burning, Maybe Embarrassing Questions!

Simply submit your questions at the comments section below and you will get the answers that you have been seeking posted on the next occurring blog. Check out the latest Q&As below.




Questions and Answers


Question: Am I weird? I am really a germ freak and I am grossed out by any serious physical activity in sex (mostly all of it). I am 30 and I have only had sex 2 times. After both times I immediately ran to the bath and took a hot shower, stripped the sheets off my bed, and on the 2nd time I actually threw up chunks afterwards. How can I fix this I want a relationship and kids, but I am scared of the sexual aspect of making this happen?

Answer: It sounds like you have a severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder. The only proven way to control these behaviors is by getting professional help. As you may know it is going to be very difficult to maintain healthy relationships without sex and unless you plan to adopt or have artificial insemination. Having children in this case is impossible. So seek help, seek help, seek help. Because you are going to miss out on a significant human experience, your fears are not worth not having that experience.

Take care,
Joneia

King Legacy Part 2 From His Only Living Sibling

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Christine King Farris was sewing an Easter dress for her daughter in their Atlanta home one rainy April evening when the nightly news was interrupted by a special report.


"It was a horrible moment," Christine King Farris says of the night her brother Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. was shot.

1 of 3 The newscaster announced that Farris' younger brother, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., had been shot in Memphis, Tennessee. Another update came minutes later: King was in critical condition.

"It was a horrible moment," Farris says of that night in 1968. "I tried to call my sister-in-law; the lines were busy. I tried to call my parents; the lines were busy. I couldn't get anybody."

While boarding a plane for Memphis, Farris learned her brother was dead. It was the beginning of a string of family tragedies. Her only surviving sibling, her younger brother, A.D., drowned the next summer. Her mother, Alberta, was shot dead five years later while playing the "Lord's Prayer" on an organ in church on Sunday morning.

Farris raises her hands in bewilderment when she contemplates the losses.

"I think of the things that I've faced in my life and sometimes I question how I'm still here," Farris, 80, says in her office at Spelman College, surrounded by photographs of her famous brother and other civil rights leaders she once knew.

"I'm the lone survivor in my family," says Farris.

This year, the civil rights community will gather in Memphis on April 4 to mark the 40th anniversary of King's assassination, yet Farris will not join them. She is talking publicly about the death of her younger brother for the first time, but a return to Memphis is not part of her agenda.

"I can't go," she says. "I've not been there since the time we went to gather my brother. My memory of Memphis is not a pleasant one. It's one that I cannot erase." Farris describes 'horrible' scene at Memphis airport »

Farris is remembering her brother in another way. She is writing a memoir about her life with him called, "Through It All." A formal and reserved woman, Farris has spent the past year delving into her ugliest memories.

"It's been a real challenge," she says. "I've had to relive those moments. Sometimes it affects me more than others. I try to live with it."

She says it's important for her to push past those painful memories because she wants to humanize her younger brother. Everyone has heard about King, the civil rights icon. She wants to strip away those platitudes to reveal the playful brother she knew. Farris says her brother is smiling now »

"He was normal as a person could be," she says. "I really want people to understand that. I want people not to think of him as some mythic character from out of space."

The mythic nature of King's ministry, though, is palpable in Farris' roomy office at Spelman, the predominately black women's college where she has taught education for 49 years.

Farris stores photos of her brother on her desktop computer as screen-savers. As each image shifts to another, her computer automatically plays highlights of her brother's most famous public speeches.

Isaac N. Farris, Jr., her only son, says his mother still plays recordings of her brother's speeches and reads his manuscripts at home.

They weren't just siblings. They were friends.

"She was the first one to meet Mrs. Coretta [King's wife, Coretta Scott King)]. She lent him money for his engagement rings," he says. "Over the years, she's especially talked about missing the friendship they had."

The resemblance to her brother is obvious up close. She has the same square face and the same measured, Baptist preacher's drawl. She says she's accustomed to people staring at her when they encounter her in Ebenezer Baptist Church, the Atlanta church her brother once led that she still attends.

"Sometimes people will point me out and say 'That's Dr. King's sister,'" she says.

"And, of course, I'm immediately surrounded by people. Sometimes it's a little uncomfortable. I try to be as cordial as I can. ... People come up and ask 'Are you Dr. King's sister?' I can't say no."

Farris says she had no inkling that her brother would become such an iconic figure. She remembers the little brother who loved playing pool, doing the jitterbug dance and telling jokes. She also recalls his nickname as a young man -- "Tweed."

"He had this tweed suit and he loved it," she says, smiling. "He would wear it so much so the boys nicknamed him Tweed."

Farris' son says his mother still retains some of that playful side herself. He occasionally catches her dancing around the house to contemporary R&B music.

"I've seen her do the electric slide," Farris Jr., says. "She gets a kick out of it."

When her brother was thrust to the forefront of the civil rights movement, both were aware of the danger to him. But they never talked about it.

"When you are a part of it, you don't really take the time to sit down and think," she says. "It didn't really bother us too much. We were conscious that it could happen, but it didn't occupy front space so to speak."

When April 4, 1968, did come, Farris says others stepped in to help her shoulder her grief. Sen. Robert Kennedy dispatched a plane to Atlanta to take her and King's widow to Memphis.

Her voice remains level as she talks about the plane ride. Then her eyes start to mist. She says she never left the plane when it arrived. She watched her brother, A.D., come on the plane with the Rev. Andrew Young and the Rev. Ralph Abernathy, two of King's closest aides.

"They were crying like babies," she says.

She says she has tried to remember when she last talked to her brother, but it's frustrating.

"I've been trying to think about that. He had a meeting with his staff the Saturday before he went to Memphis, but I didn't get to talk to him. Then..."

Farris halts herself in mid-sentence. Then her voice trails off into silence.

Farris Jr., her only son, says his mom has been a "rock" for the family. He says he's never seen her cry about the loss of his famous uncle. The only time he remembers seeing her cry is when her remaining brother, A.D., drowned in 1969.

"My mother let out a yell that still to this day brings tears to my eyes," he says.

Farris has carved out her own life of distinction. She married and has two children with Isaac N. Farris Sr., an entrepreneur. She's also written a children's book on her brother titled, "My Brother Martin: A Sister Remembers Growing Up with the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr." She's also dabbled in public speaking and served as an executive at the King Center, the Atlanta-based center devoted to the teaching of King's nonviolent philosophy.

Only recently, though, Farris experienced another series of losses. Her brother's widow, Coretta Scott King, died two years ago from cancer. And Yolanda King, her brother's oldest child, died from an apparent heart condition last year.

Yet she and her son shrug off any suggestion that her family, like the Kennedy clan, is somehow marked for tragedy. "God never puts on us what we can't bear," she says.

"We never embraced that; others have," adds her son, who is now CEO of the King Center. "We have felt through it all, we're still blessed. That's the way we were taught."

Forty years after her brother's untimely death, Farris will return to Memphis, but only through her memories.

As she sits in her office surrounded by those memories, she says it's now more urgent than ever that she add her own chapter to his story.


She's the only one left.

"I thought about all that I've been through and all these memories and sometimes it gets tough," she says. "By being the lone survivor, if I don't do this, a part of history will be left out."

Story by John Blake,
CNN.com


Always Remember,
Joneia

Remembering "KING"

I found this article at cnn.com and I had to share it.

By Jim Polk CNN

MONTGOMERY, Alabama (CNN) -- From the time he first emerged as a civil rights leader, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. lived with the threat of death, but he never wavered in his commitment to non-violence.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. believed the cause they were fighting for was worth dying for.

"Dr. King made it rather clear that the cause that we were fighting for was not only worth living for, but it was worth dying for, if need be," said Fred Gray, the lawyer who helped King lead the fight to desegregate city buses in Montgomery, Alabama, in 1956.
A month after blacks began a bus boycott, a midnight caller warned King that he would be sorry he ever came to Montgomery. Three days later, his house was bombed.
Angry blacks gathered outside King's home, but Gray said, "Once he found out his family was safe and secure, he simply went out, talked to the crowd, and told them to go home, and they went."
King knew what could happen when he led demonstrations in Birmingham, Alabama, in 1963, facing fire hoses and police dogs in an effort to desegregate downtown businesses.
Longtime aide Andrew Young said, "Going to Birmingham was to him the possibility of an imminent death."

Another aide, the Rev. Wyatt Tee Walker, said when he kissed his own wife and children goodbye to go there, "I thought I would never see them again. I didn't think I would come out of Birmingham alive. I didn't think King would."
But in September, after the city had yielded, it would be four young girls who would be killed in the bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church.
King felt responsible, Young said. "Most of those days he was in a deep depression."
When King delivered the eulogy for the victims, lawyer Clarence Jones said, "It was one of the few vivid times ... where I observed tears, him crying as he was speaking."
Yet King told the mourners, "In spite of the darkness of this hour ... we must not become bitter, nor must we harbor the desire to retaliate with violence."
King flew into Memphis, Tennessee, the first week of April 1968 to try to lead a peaceful march in support of a strike by black garbage workers. On a stormy night, he spoke at a church rally.
"He talked about death more than I heard him talk about it at any one given," Memphis NAACP leader Rev. Billy Kyles said.
King told the crowded church, "I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind."
Young said the speech was one that King had made before when times were dangerous.
"Because he had done it before, and we'd gone on to the next place, I wasn't really taking it seriously," Young said. "It was just a great speech, but I never thought I was listening to his last speech."
King ended: "I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."
"We were just boo-hooing. And we had to actually help him to his seat," Kyles said. "He gave it his all, and somehow, I guess he knew that would be his last hurrah."
The next evening, King walked out of his motel room to have dinner at Kyles' home.
"I said, 'Guys, come on, let's go,' and I walked to the stairs," Kyles remembered. "Before I could get to the stairs, the shot rang out. 'Ka-POW!'
"Blood was everywhere," Kyles said. "I took a spread from one of the beds and covered him from the neck down. He never said a word."

Never Forget,

Joneia

What ever happened to epidemics in the mainstream?

I remember in the years past that there was always a new epidemic that the mainstream media covered contagiously, for example:

AIDS / HIV
War on Drugs: Especially Crack (Cocaine)
Bird Flu
Mad Cow Diseases
Terrorism
Starving Children in Africa
ETC………..

However, now the only epidemics that are being addressed appears to be the raging disease of “UNELECTABILITY”. That is why we can’t get wrapped up in all the hoopla of nothingness. Even things such as the Iraq War are only being reported on in the context of being just supportive information for who is more electable. The sad reality is that all it takes is a Brittney Spears' foley, Paris Hilton sex tape, Lindsey Lohan drunken rampage, or an Anna Nicole paternity case to take our attention completely away from the things that are much more important and relevant. We have to stay focus and not put all of our attention on Pop culture media and not real media coverage. The nightly news use to be the entity for discussing political views and not making a complete political circus out of it. Last night I personally saw a great program on the Public TV channel titled “Unnatural Causes: Is Inequality Making Us Sick” that had both an element of entertainment, but was so informative in how they explained how social classes affect our health and life expectancy; found at: http://www.aptv.org/Schedule/index.asp
So there are some great things out there that can keep you interested and aware of the relevant issues and entertain you at the same time. I’m not saying don’t get your daily fix of the news or your shows that you have to see, because I too am having withdrawal symptoms from the season finale of “Project Runway”. All that I am saying is don’t just eat from one plate, diversify your taste buds and eat from a TV nutritional diet as well.

Hungrily,
Joneia

Do good deeds make you eligible for a “Get Out of Jail Free Card”?

Do good deeds make you eligible for a “Get Out of Jail Free Card”? (Monopoly Game Pun)

Recently during an Easter program rapper TI spoke very compassionately at the New Birth Baptist Church, ATL; where the focus was on AIDS and its effects on the black community. In October 2007 TI was arrested on gun related charges and is currently on house arrest, but because of his recent display of a converted soul or mindset should TI or others that have tried to change their own lives and help others equally so, be given a little leniency when it comes to the previous crimes that they have committed? Although I don’t mean a literal “Get Out of Jail Free Card”, but figuratively where these people with prior criminal offenses are given lesser terms if they truly have converted and are attempting to change and help the lives of others. One of the most notable cases where this is a hard case to weigh, is in the life of Stanley “Tookie” Williams, co-founder of the Crips gang, who was executed in December 2005 for murders committed during his gang associations. Conversely in 2001 however, Williams received a Noble Peace Prize nomination for his efforts in attempting to stop gang violence. With several failed appeals Williams’ legal team, among many other supporters, attempted to reduce his sentence to life in prison, but to no avail. So in cases like Williams do these types of reformed criminals’ good deeds out way the bad or as the old saying goes “Once a crook, always a Crook”; where a past of violence and crimes darken a person’s present and future ambitions?

Why do we hate?

Racism, Sexism, Anti-Religious Sentiment, Supremacist Doctrine, Hate Crimes, or just Out Right Playa Hatin; These types of “Emotions” have been a continuous plague through out the history of mankind, with no view of an end to them. As much as we try to ignore them they are there and are going to be there. However, although they are relevant societal woes, they are not genetically or intuitive characteristics. They are simply products of environmental stimulus that were formed from benign rationale. “Race” per se or the distinction of “Race”, biological and conversely societal is necessary in a sense to help determine the tools needed for a particular Sect of people to adapt environmentally. Simply, for example:
¨ Hot climates good for darker skinned people and vice versa
¨ Diets based on climatic locations are different in the sense that a mostly vegetarian diet is better for hotter climates; while heavier meat related diets are better for colder climates, since the storing of fat cells are needed to survive the longer colder days
¨ On and on and on
So how did something so beneficial in simple climatic adaptation become such an overbearing force that has been used as excuses for some of the most horrible tragedies against our fellowman kind? Well that is simple too. It is based on two general personality flaws “Fear and Greed”.
Fear- fear of the unknown. We as a people are scared of anything different. We are creatures of habit and unguided rationale. The combination of those two entities is the perfect breading ground for stereotypes and hate.
Greed- we won’t what someone else has. People are never happy with the basic necessities we look at other groups and desire what we think are their strengths.
The harsh reality is that these two seemingly common negative factors are the catalyst for so many of the world’s atrocities. They have been the causes of wars, slaveries, abuse, and much other carnage.
How do we erase the effects of these issues? That also is based on two simple traits, “Respect and Contentment”.
* Respect- understanding and respect of our inherited differences.
* Contentment- being happy with what you have and understanding why you were blessed with what you have in life.

I.E.
Joneia

Obama- Wright : Clinton - ?

Being a product of a Black Church up bringing, myself. I have heard several fiery sermons and speeches on the black experience in the U.S. Especially being from the South, it is true that those deep rooted feelings of oppression and somewhat resentment still have a voice in the Black Church. However, with all of the many sermons of speeches that I have heard like the ones that Obama’s former Pastor, Jeremiah Wright, is getting crucified for. The vast majority of sermons in black churches are about tolerance and love. I find it interesting that this stereotyping of the Black Church is coming to the fore-front. Also, I find it also interesting that Clinton’s religious or church affiliation has not been mentioned. I haven’t even seen one single tape or You Tube video of her attending church other than on the campaign trail or maybe an important funeral or something. This may not seem to be a clear pattern, however if you couple this lack of coverage of her religious affiliation and all of the coverage on Obama’s church and even the questions of his religious convictions. It appears that for someone that has shown as much integrity as he has his devotion to his wife and family, and his support of the disenfranchised; that his Christian principles should not even be an issue. (But can the same things be said about the Clintons). The Clintons have played a significant role in the U.S.’s progression. However if a morality litmus test is going to be given to a Presidential Candidate, all of the moral doors for each Candidate should be open; and to the same degree that Obama has had to endure. One thing is for sure if there was ever a question as to whether Obama has been tested and vetted enough, the powers that be are making sure that he will be when this whole election circus is done and over.

We Need More Black Innovators Severely

There are enough clothing/shoe lines, and want to be music artist out there already, but for some reason these seem to be the only business options out there for many yound black entrepreneurs. There certainly is a huge hole to fill in the technology, medical, and social services (just to name a few) worlds, where new innovations are endless. As a matter of fact these advancements are highly encouraged in their respective fields. So why aren't many black people leading the charge in going after the endless possibilities of these open markets. Here are some reasons:

1. Everybody wants to be famous now days. So being just wealthy is not enough. We see fashion icons, music, movie, sports, and TV artist on the airways all the time and now more black children would prefer being Lil Wayne to Thurgood Marshal.

2. Everyone wants to make quick and easy money. Not that the aforementioned career options don't require a lot of work and many of the people that chose these career paths have to get there hustle on to make it happen for them. However, most people don't want to study hard and be willing to learn more in order to be able to purse other career options such as being a scientist or biologist.

3. Many parents are so caught up in "Star Gazing" themselves and they no longer push their children into to other career options. Think of all the crazy basketball and football moms and dads out there. Now just imagine these same parents being as aggressive at a spelling bee, debate, or science fair that their children are participating in.


We are going to loose, if we all ready haven't, our grip on our significance to this world, because we are spending too much time "Star Gazing". It is time for us to come back to reality and get that hard work ethic hunger back. Because a Michael Jackson or Michael Jordan are only born every decade, but a potential Garret Morgan is born everyday.

Until Death or "a Sex Scandal" Do Us Part

There is a lot of talk out there now about why women stay with men, especially those public figures that cheat. Just in case you have been in a coma over the last couple years here is a run down of cheating public figures, caught in sex scandals, whose wives have stood by them.

NY Gov Elliot Spitzer
Former Pres Bill Clinton
Senator Larry Craig
NJ Gov James McGreevey
Rep Gary Condit
Rep Randal Ankeney
Rep Mark Foley
CT Gov John G Rowland
Former NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani
Senator Bob Packwood
Senator Gary Hart
Congressman Bob Barr

* Just to name a few

However, the biggest story now is why their wives decided to stand beside them during these sex scandals. The reasons are simple family, money, power, duty/ obligation, low self esteem/ self worth & fame.

Family: Most have children and maybe still in love with their husbands.
Money: Some of these men are extremely wealthy and if they get a divorce the courts will probably be very generous and rule in their favor out of sympathy.
Power: These are very well connected and powerful men, some women are attracted to power.
Duty/ Obligation: Some of these women feel a since of duty not only to their family or mate, but to the state or people that look up to them. They want to send a false message of Hope "that everything is going to be alright".
Low Self-Esteem/ Self Worth: some women tend to marry men like their fathers, who were probably abusive and cheaters themselves. So they follow in that same destructive patterns in their relationships.
Fame: If there is a scandal now days. Shortly thereafter comes the book deals and Lifetime Movie.

So these women really have a lot to lose or gain. Depending on what their reasons for facing this kinda tragedy head on and in the public eye are.

If you want to see more on politicians caught up in sex scandals, check out these sites.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/11/nyregion/11cnd-scandals.html?8br=&pagewanted=all

http://salem-news.com/articles/october172007/repub_scandals_10_17_07.php

http://www.badmouth.net/top-five-republican-gay-sex-scandals/

Feminization of the Black Man in Hollywood

In order to "Break Out" in Hollywood;

Why do Black Actors have to play roles where they look like they are "Coming Out"?

This article is in no way written to disrespect the wonderful Black Actors that have made it "Big" in Hollywood. It is merely an observation into the portrayal of Black Men to the main stream public. In this case I think that pictures speak a thousand words. Take a good look at these Pics and notice a pattern. For many of you with a naive eye you probably will say that many male actors period have played women or effeminate roles. However if you were to look at the number of Black to White male actors out there, you will see a disproportional number of Black actors having to play these roles just to get a leg into Hollywood. These pics are only the ones that I could find, but if you think about it there are many more homosexual or effeminate roles that many Black actors have had to play. But you build your own opinions on this issue.

Back on the Auction Block, Part 1

Part 1

Are we selling ourselves to the highest bidder?





From cars to clothes to jewelry and video Ho’s. Our moral fibers are being sold to the highest bidder. The sad reality is that in some cases the Auctioneer is no longer white, but black. Don’t get me wrong this is not another article about the problems of Hip Hop or a Rapper bashing session. This is about the industry as a whole and not just the music industry. I am referring to the industry of the continual exploitation of black people. The lack of showing how valuable and how creditable we are as a people. Picture this if we were the first people on Earth (science supports this). Then that means that we are the closest people to being direct descendants formed from the hands of the Creator. Which explains our ingenuity, intuition, strong will, our ability to Harvest spiritual energy and express it through song, dance, or Shouting/ Getting Happy at church; just to name a few. Unfortunately though, we are willing to sale that direct connection for perishable items or a few fleeting feelings of false joy that are worth little to nothing in the long run. Most of us don’t even have anything to show for it just bad credit, bad kids, bad marriages, and bad attitudes. When will we realize that we can be so much more? Sadly, the solution is simple but many people are not ready to take the Red Pill to get out of the Matrix. It is understanding that you are a legacy. Instead of reading just all of the current gossip. Look up your history and where we really came from. Find the truth in the real Egypt, the Black Egypt or the truth behind how this nation and many other past and present nations were built on the principles of African engineering, philosophy, education, and etc. Because once you realize that you are a legacy or something of value, you will take pride in yourself, and your children, and your family, and your community. You are worth more than cars, clothes, jewelry, or the stigmatism of a video Ho. You are an irreplaceable jewel, whose value is only established during birth and paid in death. That is a steep price to pay without the accumulation of some meaningful assets (self pride, solid promises, and strong convictions). Be a living Legacy and not a life Tragedy.



I am a Living Legacy,
Joneia

A Gaping Hole in the Moral Fiber of the Black Conscience

A Gaping Hole in the Moral Fiber of the Black Conscience

Black people what has happened to us. If you read the Ask Joneia Question for Today, you will see that many of us have loss so many of those morals and values that we use to have; and that were taught to us. I’m am not passing judgment on anyone, so I hope that many of you reading this are not offended. However, Black men use to be just that “men.” In the past, there were not a majority (growing presently) of effeminate black men, pretending to be women, and looking for a relationship broken with their father or some other male figure by being in the arms of another man. Women we use to highly respect our men. We were more about protecting their manhood and making them feel like the man of the house. Now we spend a lot of time trying to belittle them and make punks out of them. So when we end up raising sons who are punks, that’s because we have chipped away at the role model that could have helped him to become a stronger man. Men again I don’t care what you heard your uncles, friends, gym buddies, football pals, or etc. women don’t come around like trains or women are not like fish in the sea. As soon as you start to objectify women and refer to them as items that is less than human. Then the stage is set where you will view women and treat them like less than human items. I know men who will only drink Gin or Hennessey and won’t betray that for the world. Or that will only drive Fords or Chevys and won’t betray them for the world. But they will however betray their loyal wives and sleep with any and everything that opens up for business. I can only imagine how disappointed in us or ancestors that were enslaved would be with us. They had to fight for their families; while husbands & wives were torn apart, by force. But now we will give up our husbands and wives, for a quick and most of the time not even a good piece of A$$; this is so ridiculous. However, I feel that my words are probably in vain. Most people like to be unhappy and they deep down inside like drama; because for some ill reason it makes them feel important and they get a lot of attention from it. But there is nothing important about being unhappy or ruining others’ lives, because you have a weakness. I will end this here. Black people we got to get our pride back and be the examples of good and decency that we once were. So that way when we say Black Pride, it will actually have some substance behind it and not just be some cliché old phrase that is mocked by Hollywood, misunderstood by other minorities, and disregarded by white America.

Enough,
Joneia

Falling Out Of Love With Yourself, So That You Can Learn to Love Other People.

Black people we are totally in love with ourselves. Think about how much time we spend in the mirror grooming ourselves. Think about how much time and money we spend on clothes and hair products. However, how much time do we spend trying to really get to know others; especially or significant others. Each day you should take the time out to find something new about the people that you love. You would be surprised to know how interesting of a life your parents or grand parents have lived. Also, what and how your children think about their lives, friends, religious beliefs, etc. Although you may think that you know all there is to know about your partner, but take some time to ask them about questions that you may have thought of; such as how they feel about the life accomplishments or other things in life that they want to achieve. If you don't know what to ask then look some stuff up online. You are probably surfing the net now. So find some topics that interest you and see how they feel about them. Or talk about some of the stuff discussed on this blog. The possibilities are endless. You may find out that these people in your life are very interesting and unique. I promise that this introspection on them will really make you appreciate them more and it will probably start new dialogs that will help to improve your relationships.

I.E.

Joneia

Tips for Not Making Old Mistakes, In New Relationships

So many people move into new realtionships and infuse them with the same problems and issues that they had in past ones. Here are some quick tips on things to do when starting a new relationship.
1. Take your time and let the relationship grow naturally.
2. View each new person on their own merits and not by the mistakes of past mates.
3. Clean yourself up first. Clean yourself up first. Clean yourself up first.
4. Relax and have a good time and stop reliving the past, over and over again.

Black Love Article: The Truth about Relationships Expectations

I usually write my on articles, but I found this one very inciteful and I wanted to share it.


The Truth about Relationship Expectations

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.
Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. That is a problem for most people.
For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need, it is only and always an unrealistic expectation.
Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. One love partner knows the expectation. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Can you see the problem?
Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be cussed and discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship.
"Expect the best," is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. Some say, "If you always expect the best for your relationship, everything will work out better." This is a myth. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. You don't always get what you expect.
We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations.
Try this: "No expectations, fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. Not easy. Simple.
By considering a new point of view, by changing our thinking about expectations, we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out, we may be surprised by the result. Even when we imagine the very best, we are often surprised, because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings, things may turn out better than we imagined. . . or worse.
Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. This will always generate lots of surprises. That is when the adventure begins; the adventure the heart was crying for. Surprises create a sense of adventure; surprises you can enjoy together; surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience.
Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay.
Problems are not to break us. Working together on problems makes us stong.
While there is something to be said about "expecting the best," we must remember that disappointment comes from unfulfilled expectations. This does not mean that when your expectations do not get met, that the results are always bad. It only means that if your expectations don't get met. Disappointment usually follows.
By thinking in terms of needs instead of expectations, we create vulnerability. Having needs with no expectations about how they will be fulfilled causes us to feel vulnerable. We have more to lose because now we know what we want. The outcome is less predictable. There is some risk involved. And we have a responsibility for getting our needs met.
Never give yourself away in the relationship. By "give yourself away," I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. The healthier image you have of yourself, the less likely this will occur.
There is a difference between duty and responsibility. When duty does not meet our needs, it is something to be avoided. For example, if there are children in the relationship you have a responsibility to take care of them. When it feels like duty, you have a responsibility to take care of your need to not have it feel like duty.
We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up in our relationship, we either choose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the wrong direction.
If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.
We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. Everyone has a need to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment.
The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It's the things we don't communicate because the last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn't take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it's not about the garbage.
In my opinion, the number two problem in relationships revolves around unfulfilled expectations.
So, how do you sidestep the disappointment that always comes from unfulfilled expectations? Who wins the "expectations versus needs" dilemma? Needs, of course! You focus on your needs and make a commitment to never have any undelivered communication about them. Talk about what you need with your partner. Express your needs with love.
Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.
We often call things that happen that cause disappointment, problems. To avoid disappointment or problems. . . as best you can, have no expectations, good or bad. When you have expectations there are never any surprises because the outcome is almost always predictable.
Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable. If your relationship is not full of surprises, it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace.
It is important to allow your love partner the freedom to fulfill your needs in their own best way.
What you can be with in life lets you be!
When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!
http://www.celebratelove.com/expectations.htm

Questionable Unions

Questionable Unions Part 2

For many years now some of the most notorious and dangerous men have been receiving love letters and marriage proposals from women seeking companionship. Men such as Charles Mansion, Ted Bundy, and the Menendez Brothers just to name a few. Why are these women so drawn to these types of men? Especially, when they know of the crimes that these men have been accused of. With the day and age of internet these types of relationships are becoming more accessible. Check out the story below:

By Angelica Thornton
PORTLAND, Ore. –

Mike Andes looks like quite a catch.His online personal ad shows him as a clean-cut, athletic man with a friendly face, a sense of humor and a love for the outdoors. Many women would consider him a serious prospect, based on his ad.The problem is, Mike Andes is a convicted murderer. He's in prison for killing a teen girl with a baseball bat and then burying her body in a wooded area near Longview, Washington.Andes' ad is just one of thousands placed by convicts looking for love online. Many of the ads feature lighthearted descriptions and photos of smiling men who are rapists, murderers or bank robbers.Imprisoned convicts do not have Internet access, but family and friends outside of prison help them get their ads up and running on sites like http://www.writeprisoners.com/.

And the love letters are flowing into the jailhouse.Even notorious prisoners like serial killer Ted Bundy and "Night Stalker" Richard Ramirez have hooked up and gotten married while serving time for heinous crimes.Corrections officials say these matchmaking Web sites do provide a positive service by keeping inmates connected to the outside world, but that they can also cause problems. Corrections investigators know crafty convicts often prey on women. They start by sending very innocent letters, then they'll ask for money, contraband, even help escaping.In many cases, the prisoners are corresponding with several women at a time, hoping at least one will fall for it. They often do. Sociologist Randy Blazak says "the letters written by inmates to women on the outside are often the most romantic things you ever heard in your life and that's because they only exist in a sort of fantasy world."Blazak says there are several theories as to why women pursue prisoners. They may be attracted to "bad boys," they're lonely, or they lack self esteem. Or, they're afraid of real commitment. "In sort of more traditional relationships, the man kind of determines when he's there and when he's not," Blazak says. "This is the opposite of that, so the woman can kind of be in control with the level of contact……..Most prisoner dating Web sites do provide tips to protect the public. The president of writeaprisoner.com sent KATU a statement saying:
http://www.2news.tv/news/local/7463657.html

But there is still a good possibility that these women could still be preyed on.

Also, this phenomenon is not just limited to male prisoners any more. Women prisoners are also reaching out to find love, check out this website.
http://www.womenbehindbars.com/

Questionable Unions

Questionable Unions Part 1

There is a new epidemic in the world of dating and even marriage occurring. A movement that if it becomes mainstream, may change how gender roles in relationships are defined. Have you noticed recently that there has been an influx of celebrity or seemingly powerful women; dating or marrying men that would be described as overly feminine. Women such as Star Jones, whose union to Al Reynolds left many baffled as to why she would marry a man who was openly gay or reportedly gay. Who can forget the motivation for the hit novel and movie “How Stella got Her Groove Back” couple Terry McMillan and Jonathan Plumber? Although, McMillan exclaimed that she didn’t know that he was gay. When the rest of the world saw those well glossed lips of Jonathan, we all thought “How could she not have seen that he was gay”? Recently women such as Vivica Fox, Tyra Banks, and Flavor of Love 2 season winner Deelishis’ (Chandra Davis) new beau looks to be very well groomed and effeminate. However, celebrities are not the only women following down this path. There are new websites popping up everywhere, in which women are searching for gay or feminine men. If you what to know why, here are some reasons given for this type of love search:

1.These women feel that gay or feminine men understand the softer and emotional sides of women better than average men.
2.Most of these men, although their sexual or physical preferences are different. They still desire to have traditional families.
3.Some of these women report that they like men that take great pride in their looks and hygiene. Gay men tend to take better care of themselves.

For whatever reason these women and men are choosing to be in questionable unions, this is sure to be a topic that will only increase in the coming years.

Black Love, Black Marriage, Black Relationships

What are the Implications of a Black Family in the White House?

Barack and Michelle Obama may help to solve many more societal problems, if he his elected President, than just economics, healthcare, and ending the War in Iraq. They will by far start a revolution in rejuvenating the Black Family.
Such As:
1. Creating a portrait of a happy and whole loving black family
2. Facilitate the importance of a 2 parent family structure; both biological and step families
3. Give an intimate view of “Black Love” and a black couple mutually committed to each other


Here is a Bio of there matrimonial story:

How Barack and Michelle Met: In 1989, Michelle was working at a downtown law firm and assigned the role of advisor to a summer associate from Harvard, Barack Obama. He reportedly didn't have much interest in corporate law, but did have a lot of interest in Michelle.
She said "she fell in love with him for the same reason many other people respect him; his connection with people." After refusing to go out with him for a month, she agreed to go to dinner and then to a movie, Do the Right Thing on their first date.
Wedding Date: On October 18, 1992, Michelle and Barack's wedding ceremony was performed by Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, Illinois.
Children:
Barack and Michelle have two daughters.
Malia Ann Obama was born in 1999.
Natasha Obama was born in 2001.
Residence:
Barack and Michelle live in a historic, $1.6 million home on Chicago's South Side with lots of play space for their girls. Barack makes it a priority to be home every weekend from Thursday to Sunday.

Michelle, 12/6/05, on why the family did not move to Washington, D.C.: "We made a good decision to stay in Chicago, to remain based in Chicago, so that has kept our family stable. There has been very little transition for me and the girls. Now he's commuting a lot, but he's the grown-up. He's the senator. He can handle it. That's really helped in keeping us grounded."Source: Chicago Tribune
Trivia:
Barack and Michelle return most every Christmas to Hawaii where his grandmother and sister still live.

What You Can Learn From the Marriage of Michelle and Barack Obama: Barack and Michelle understand the importance of putting a priority on their time together. Even with both of their busy schedules, Barack and Michelle make time for one another. In an ABC interview, Michelle said that "Barack didn't pledge riches, only a life that would be interesting. On that promise he's delivered." She also said as part of the division of labor in their house, Barack did the grocery shopping.

Barack and Michelle are truly a beautiful power couple. Are you building your relationships to be as strong as their's if not. What do you need to make your Black Love better?

Why does Hollywood suppress Black on Black Love Scenes?

When was the last time you saw a beautiful black love scene at sunset on the beach or on a bear skin rug in the Colorado Rockies?

Black Sex in Hollywood on the Big Screen has never really been represented. Have you ever noticed that Hollywood tends to pair Black Actors when it comes to steamy romance scenes involved with Hispanic or Bi-Racial (extremely light-skinned) actresses? Personally, when I really thought about it; I truly can’t remember a block buster movie with the lead actor and actress being black and having a solid love scene. Think about it Halley Berry won an Oscar in movie where her love interest was White. Denzel won an Oscar where his love interest, that they showed, was Hispanic; they never showed his wife. Why is Hollywood afraid to show chocolate love?


Here some sample current movies with interracial love at the forefront:
Hitch
Monsters Ball
Out of Time
The Mix
Under Classmen
American Gangster
Crash
Money Train
Dawn of the Dead
Mississippi Masala
Next Friday
Training Day



You try and think of other movies that you know of with these types of interracial love contexts. Better yet try to write a list of mainstream movies with both the black woman and black man are each others love interest. I can promise you the list will be very short.

Also, is the reflection of interracial on screen love, starting to affect real life relationships for black celebrities?

Check Out These Famous Interracial Couples

R-Kelly to Catch a Predator

Is R-Kelly a predator and if so why are we still supporting him through his music and concerts. I really love “R”s music as much as the next person. But I am afraid that he maybe getting a get out of Jail free card, for committing a potential heinous act. If in fact and I think that most people honestly speculate that he did take advantage of teen age girls, then why are we not holding him accountable. And by not holding him accountable are we sending a message that the welfare of young girls is not as important as a good Beat and some smooth Lyrics. We really have to ask ourselves if these were our own children that were victims of a crime would be as forgiving and turning a blinds eye to a serious issue. We need to really access our souls on this problem, but I suspect that many of us won’t because if we do. That means that “R”s Honey Love may truly be about some under-developed Bees.